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How to Cope with Depression in the Family (French version available)

Depression is something that has been in the news a lot recently, thanks in part to the Bell Let’s Talk Day. Only recently have mental health initiatives as large as this one emerged in our culture. There is a historic stigma around sharing one’s mental state, as it has often been viewed as something that is within one’s power to overcome. Recently, mental illness has been defined as a disease; That is, something that one is afflicted with that is not within one’s control. Efforts within the pharmaceutical world have provided a wide range of options for coping with depression, and other, more holistic options are offered that include mental and physical therapy, such as counselling and yoga, respectively.

People admitting to experiencing mental illness is becoming more common as social efforts to reduce the stigma around the illness are emerging. When a family member admits to having a mental illness, it can be very hard for everyone in the family to handle.

My personal story with a depressed family member had a major impact on the direction of my life. When I was completing my first university degree and was enrolled in my City of Ottawa co-op program, I learned that my aunt was experiencing depression as a result of an accumulation of factors, including the loss of her son. This news was like the straw that broke the camel’s back for me, in that I was already over my personal capacity with school, work, running a committee and exercising. I went to my supervisor and quit my co-op position, feeling altogether overwhelmed by the news.

My story proves that not only experiencing depression yourself, but also being affected by someone experiencing depression, can create challenges. It is important to talk about mental health problems and to reach out to people when you aren’t feeling mentally well, because it can affect others. Supporting mental health initiatives is another great way to get involved with the cause of reducing stigma around mental health. Good luck!

February 3, 2026
How to Handle a Fight at Home

Life as a student can be stressful enough—the last thing you need is trouble at home. Unfortunately, family fights are normal every once in a while. It’s undeniably difficult to deal with a strained situation in your home life, but remember that a loud argument is often indicative of a deeper, underlying issue between members of your family. Instead of trying to avoid conflict, it’s best to work out your issues honestly and openly.

Sometimes a fight at home can be between you and a parent, a sibling, or another relative—or sometimes it can have nothing to do with you altogether. Both situations are tough to deal with. Regardless of the situation, it’s best to stop a fight before it goes too far, and everyone ends up hurt. Consider my advice with an open mind, because it might not apply to all circumstances, but some of these tips may be worth considering the next time you find yourself in the middle of an argument. Here’s some help for handling a fight at home.

Stay calm. Personally, whenever I am in an argument with my family, I get very emotional, and find it difficult to keep my voice down. From this, I’ve learned the importance of staying calm, even when you’re extremely upset. I cannot stress this enough: if you stay calm, you’ll be able to handle a tough situation easier. Don’t let stress and anger take over.

Talk it out. Voice your concerns, and be honest. If you’re angry with your mother for not respecting your privacy, or with your brother for always leaving his dirty clothes in your room, tell them how you feel. Be respectful when you give your opinion, though, and make sure everyone has a chance to tell his or her side of the story. But if you let a fight fizzle out without confronting it at the source, you might be in for a repeat.

Don’t blame yourself. If a fight doesn’t involve you, the best course of action may be to stay out of it altogether. But make sure you understand that if your family is arguing, it’s probably not because of something you did. The members of your family are people too, and it’s normal for them to get frustrated sometimes. Make sure you understand the different reasons a fight can happen—you don’t always have to be responsible.

Compromise. Not everyone’s going to get what they want from a fight. Sometimes, someone has to back down in order to resolve the conflict (even if that someone is you). Make sure, though, that giving in or getting your way doesn’t become a permanent pattern. Compromise when you have to – and sometimes you’re going to want to.

Best wishes to all of your families. Stay close.

March 30, 2015
How to Cope When a Family Member is Sad

Everybody gets sad every once and a while, but sometimes people get sad for prolonged periods of time that can last for days, weeks or even months. This is something that has been labelled by doctors as depression. If this is something that one of your family members is suffering from, whether it be your sister, brother, mother or father, or even your aunt or uncle or cousin, you may feel affected by it. Commonly, family members who are depressed may isolate themselves from the rest of the family or seem to always be in a bad mood. Sometimes, as someone who cares about that person, you might start to take their bad mood or their distance as though it is due to something that you’ve done, so you might find yourself taking the blame for it. As soon as you realize that you are starting to feel differently around that person and to have feelings of guilt or blame, you need to talk to someone so you are not negatively affected.

You will feel some negative feelings as a result of your family member’s suffering because you care about them, but you need to be sure that you will not fall down with them. In order to cope with a depressed family member, the first thing you want to do is firmly implant the belief in yourself that you are not to blame for whatever they are going through, that what they are going through is entirely their own issue, and something that you will not be able to solve. The second part is very important. You need to be sure that you believe that you are not responsible for their healing. It is not your responsibility to ensure that your family member recovers from their period of depression. You may still care a lot about them, and you may still wish them the very best, but it is by no means your responsibility to ensure that they get happy or get back to being themselves.

Once you believe that you are not to blame and are not responsible for their healing, you can develop more practical measures for coping with their illness. Try strategies like being out of the house when they are home and spending time with friends who care and support you. Having friends that you can confide in about the situation that your family member is in will be essential for nourishing your belief that you are not to blame and that you are not responsible for their recovery. You want to be sure that you are well supported in order to ensure you do not fall into feeling guilty or even depressed yourself. Also, connecting with other members of the family about the issue, if possible, is great for supporting yourself because this is something that is affecting everyone in your family, not just the person who is depressed.

If you feel you need someone else to talk to, you can always call Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 or talk to them online at www.kidshelpphone.ca

December 23, 2013
Advice on Advice

Choosing an educational or career path is difficult, especially when you try to do it alone. But asking for advice can sometimes make things more confusing. When asking for opinions, it’s important to know what – and who – to ask. This guide will help you to collect the kind of advice that will help, not hinder, your decision making.

1. Think about who really knows you best. You might automatically think, “Mom!” or “Grandpa Joe!” – but that may not be the case. Loving someone or being close to them doesn’t automatically mean that they know you best. Does your Grandpa Joe see you the way you are, or the way he would like you to be? He might think you’d make an amazing mathematics professor when, really, you can’t count and love ballet.

2. Consider why people make the suggestions they make. Does your Aunt Louise want you to be an orchestra musician because she knows that you love to play violin; or is it because she never realized her own dream of playing in a symphony? Make sure that the suggestions you get are tailored to you, and not to the person suggesting them.

3. Interview people and ask work-related questions. Ask people what they do (or did) and find out what their jobs were like. Ask family members about their jobs – why they chose them, what they like and don’t like, or what a typical day looks like. People are your best resource: don’t be afraid to ask around to get a better idea of what field might most interest you.

4. Do your homework. If you already have an idea of what you’d like to do, research it before asking opinions on it. If you’d like to work in accounting, you may not want to ask the opinions of your performing arts family members unless you’ve done a bit of background research. People often react to jobs that they think are “boring” or “difficult” without considering whether or not they’d be right for you. Doing research can also help you when asking questions about other peoples’ jobs.

The right advice can help you to make a career decision that you feel good about. The wrong advice, on the other hand, can do the opposite. The most important thing to remember is that at the end of the day, the only person doing your job is you. Your cousin Fred may love you, but he won’t be coming to work with you every day. Take advice with a grain of salt; use it to inform your decision making, but remember that your decisions are yours to make.

April 24, 2013