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  • Are You the Subject of a Nasty Gossip? How to Turn Things Around

    Are You the Subject of a Nasty Gossip? How to Turn Things Around

    Today, gossiping can be considered a national pastime. There are several reasons why people gossip. One is that people who engage in gossip feel privileged. Imagine seeing your not-so-favorite teacher in the middle of the road with a flat tire, cursing like a sailor. You can’t wait to share this with those who feel the same way about that teacher. It’s like you have the inside scoop and you’re telling everyone that this not-so-favorite teacher is not prim and proper after all.

    Another reason why people spread gossip is so they can feel better about themselves. Just picture getting into an exclusive movie premiere and you see a girl you don’t really like waiting desperately at the door to get in. You may feel it is not enough to see her like that—you want your friends to know you saw her in that situation, and you will probably even make something up, like she was being hysterical and bawling like a baby.

    However, what happens when you become the subject of a hurtful gossip? You’ll probably realize then, that gossip has an ugly side. Here are three ways to turn things around when the shoe is on the other foot:

    1) Find people who have your back. Don’t wallow in self-pity. Instead, talk to family, friends, and classmates who know the real you. Don’t hold anything back. Tell them that you are hurt by the rumor, and they will most likely provide you a shoulder to cry on. Eventually, with the right amount of support, you will find the strength to move forward.

    2) Confront the person who is spreading the rumor. If you have a clear idea of who is spreading gossip about you, talk to that person in a calm manner. Don’t flare up since this reaction may be something that he or she is waiting for. Instead, try to figure out why they are doing what they are doing and explain your side of the story. It could have been a simple case of miscommunication or misunderstanding.

    3) Let it die a natural death. If the gossip isn’t going away even after you have talked to the person who is spreading it, it would probably be best to ignore it and move on. At times, silence is the best defense. However, it is a different story when you feel you are being bullied; report the person to school authorities ASAP. Eventually, gossip that doesn’t elicit a reaction will die a natural death. What you can do for the meantime is to avoid gossiping yourself and lead by example. Remember to THINK when you feel the urge to gossip about other people. Is the story Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, and Kind? If it is not any of these things, then stop.

    SOURCES:

    http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-science-of-gossip/

    http://www.2knowmyself.com/How_to_deal_with_people_who_gossip_about_you

    http://www.wsj.com/articles/what-to-do-when-you-are-the-subject-of-office-gossip-1412701581

    http://inspire99.com/10-deeper-ways-to-deal-with-a-rumor-gossip/

    http://www.youngandraw.com/how-to-deal-with-negative-people-gossip-in-a-positive-way/

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200810/the-8-laws-rumor-spread

  • Coping with Jealousy

    Coping with Jealousy

    Jealousy occurs in most human relationships at one time or another. Whether your relationship is an intimate one, a friendship or even co-workers.

    For most teens there will come a day when you realize that one of your friends is jealous – whether it be of who you are, what you’ve done or something you have – and that this jealousy is hurting your friendship. Sometimes, when this happens, it feels like there is nothing you can do. But the good news is that there is! Don’t let jealousy spoil your relationships. Confront the problem and you may find your relationship will be back to normal much sooner than you think.

    Confront Your Friend
    You may find it difficult to walk up to your friend and ask them what the problem is, but if you want to save your friendship you’ll have to do just that. Don’t approach them and ask why they are jealous of you (unless of course you want to appear totally conceited), just take some time alone with them and let them know that you’ve been feeling like there’s something that has been coming between you and that you cherish their friendship. If they refuse to respond, then use the opportunity to explain how you have been feeling. Chances are that something you say will strike a nerve and your friend will open up as well.

    Find a Solution
    When you figure out what is freaking your friend, ask him or her what (s)he thinks would make the situation better. If, for example, (s)he say that (s)he feels like (s)he doesn’t get to spend any time with you because you’re off with your new friends from the swim team, then maybe you could invite them along the next time or block off one day a week for just the two of you. Remember that whatever solution you decide on needs to be a compromise. Don’t limit your own talents or opportunities simply because your friend is unhappy. Try instead to include him or her in your new life and see how that works out.

    Practice Your Patience
    Even if you do get to the bottom of your friend’s jealousy, you’ll probably need to remain patient while (s)he works out their own emotions. Even if you can think of a compromise to help get your friendship back on track, you can’t do the emotional work of getting over jealousy for your friend. You may even find there will be troubles up ahead, and you may need to chat with your friend about it again. If it turns out to be the same issue, tell your friend that you feel you have been sticking to the compromise. It may be that your friend is unable to see that, or (s)he didn’t really commit to the compromise and wanted you back all to him or herself. If this is the case, then there’s not much you can do about it besides reiterate your offer to meet him or her half-way.

    Even the best of friendships can be affected by jealousy. This destructive emotion is rarely productive and can turn best friends into worst enemies. Before taking drastic action, chat with your jealous friend to see if the two of you can work out a compromise. If you can’t, be prepared to know exactly how far you will go to keep your friend – and how far you won’t.

    Remember, don’t limit your own talents or opportunities simply because your friend is unhappy.